This is just funny - military and other humor

Subject: military and other humor... this is a gotta read!




Two Term Politcal Endorsement


Somebody got it right!
Regardless of your political persuasion,
I love the sentiment here!
We must limit politicians to two terms: one in office and one in jail.
++++++++

Military Wisdom

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"If the enemy is in range, so are you."
Infantry Journal
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"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed."

U.S. Air Force Manual
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"Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons."
- General MacArthur
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"You, you, and you .. Panic. The rest of you, come with me."
- U.S. Marine Corps Gunnery Sgt.
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"Tracers work both ways."
- U.S. Army Ordnance
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"Five second fuses only last three seconds."
- Infantry Journal
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"Any ship can be a minesweeper....Once."
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"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do."
- Unknown Marine Recruit
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Clean it, if it's Dirty.
Oil it, if it Squeaks.
But: Don't Screw with it, if it Works!
USAF Electronic Technician
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"If you see a bomb technician running, keep up with him."
USAF - Ammo Troop
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"Yea, Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death , I Shall Fear No Evil.
For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing."
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"You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3."
- Paul F. Crickmore ( test pilot )
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A Navigator's Definition of Latitude & Longitude:
Latitude is Where We are Lost,
&
Longitude is How Long We've been Lost There!
USAF Navi-guesser
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"The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire."
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"If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter --
however, it's probably unsafe in any case "
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"When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane,
you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash."
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What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots?
If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies;
If ATC screws up, ... The pilot dies."
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The three most common expressions (or famous last words), in aviation are:

"Why is it doing that?"
"Where are we?"
And
"Oh Shit!"
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" Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two out of three are needed to successfully complete the flight."
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"Mankind has a perfect record in aviation. We never left one up there!"
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"Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground who is incapable of understanding or doing anything about it."
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"The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you."
- Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot)
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"There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime."
- Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970
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"If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to."
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"You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes FULL power to taxi to the terminal."
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As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives; the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks, "What happened?" The pilot's reply: "I don 't know, I just got here myself!"


Southern Charm

Two informally dressed ladies happened to start up a conversation during an endless wait in the LAX airport. The first lady was an arrogant California woman married to a wealthy man.

The second was a well mannered elderly woman from the South. When the conversation centered on whether they had any children, the California woman started by saying, "When my first child was born, my husband built a beautiful mansion for me."


The lady from the South commented, "Well, isn't that precious?"

The first woman continued, "When my second child was born, my husband bought me a beautiful Mercedes-Benz."

Again, the lady from the South commented, "Well, isn't that precious?"

The first woman continued boasting, "Then, when my third child was born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet."

Yet again, the Southern lady commented, "Well, isn't that precious?"

The first woman then asked her companion, "What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?"

"My husband sent me to charm school," declared the Southern lady.

"Charm school?" the first woman cried, "Oh, my God! What on earth for?"

The Southern lady responded, "Well for example, instead of saying 'Who gives a shit?' I learned to say 'Well, isn't that precious!' "